another day...

... and the kids were beasts.
so much so that i don't want to talk about it.

It was the Night Out block party tonight, loads of neighborhood fun.

I also looked through a bunch of my (very) old writing today looking for a poem someone once wrote about me, wow, I am surprised i'm alive sometimes.

fine, it's late, I'm going to watch an episode of Breaking Bad and crash.
  • Current Mood
    melancholy melancholy

i'm back, or am i?

Well, I think I need to start journaling again, correction, I KNOW I need to start again.
I have a whole new life now, must document...

but tonight, sleep.
  • Current Mood

why i hate organized religion (and politics)

I received an e-mail today from a friend about a video shot by some Dutch politician that was getting railroaded everywhere, no news agency would run it pretty much anywhere in the western world, it eventually made it out into some internet outlets, but even some of them pulled it down. Apparently all the news agencies covered the story of the release, but wouldn’t watch it or connect to it or show it. It’s a 17 minute video “about the Koran”, or so it says. Here’s the link (for now)
This link may not last long, we’ll see, however, I watched it. It’s not about the Koran, it quotes 5 or 6 verses from the Koran, (calling for fighting enemies and bloodshed, of course), and spends the rest of the time showing video and sound bits of terrorist attacks, and extremist Islamic speaking or speechifying, or headlining, or protesting. In short, it was a hate-filled, right wing political attack on Islam and Muslims and designed to drive fear into the heart of every “freedom loving” person in the western world. There was no balance to this thing; it was all one sided, only the extremists, and a few Koran quotes, and disturbing images and sound bites.
Now I ask you, what religion hasn’t killed in the name of its god(s)? What religious texts don’t call for the blood of their enemies somewhere, (the bible even asks for sacrifices of its followers, “to test them”), check out this website for all kinds of sick quotes from the bible, (yes, I checked many of them out, they are in my wife’s copy), how about these:

“Take all the heads of the people
and hang them up before the Lord
against the sun.” -- Numbers 25:4
direct quote from YAHWEH

“The Lord is a man of War!”
Exodus 15:3

"...They shall fall by the sword:
their infants shall be dashed in
pieces, and their women with child
(pregnant) shall be ripped up!"
direct quote from YHWH -- Hosea 13:16

"... at midnight the Lord smote
all the first born in the land of
Egypt, from the first born of the
pharaoh... unto the first born of
the captive that was in the dungeon;
and all the first born cattle"
-- Exodus 12:29

and the list goes on, and on and on… and lets not forget that Judaism, Christianity and Islam all have the same root, they just broke off at different times from the preceding religion.
I don’t promote censorship, I think this video should have been allowed to air as an editorial, and it should have been allowed to be commented on. That is what free speech is about. And the video claims 54 million Muslims living in the Netherlands currently, the CIA factbook website only shows 16,570,613 (July 2007 est.) for a total population of the Netherlands and only 5.5% of those are Muslim. Sounds like propaganda to me. I’d say someone has an agenda. Maybe the news agencies should have reported this, shown it and actually interviewed NON-extremists, quoted the other parts of the Koran, shown that the “facts” listed were wrong. Hmmm, maybe that would be responsible journalism.
Aw right, I’m pissed, better go to bed. No I’m not going to reread this and /or edit it tonight, so fuck off.
  • Current Mood
    angry angry

Writer's Block: Chinese New Year

2008 is the Year of the Rat. Which animal year were you born in?

year of the monkey, never really liked it growing up, didn't really want to be a monkey, and it had nothing really to do with the traits that were associated with that sign, it was that i felt demeaned or belittled by it for some completely irrational reason. i'm over that now, in fact i married a monkey this time, and our first son was a monkey, for a while there we lived in a monkey house, but then we had to go and have another kid... the other one i didnt like growing up was being a cancer. i always said i was a cancer victim when someone asked my sign, again, completely irrational reasons. i actually like some of the cancer traits, and even embrace some of them now. although i'm not telling which ones.

ramblings before bed and after Lunesta

Ok, so the machine is not broken. After a visit to the sleep tech where he downloaded the data from my CPAP, he determined that it is doing exactly what it is supposed to be doing, and I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. Namely, the unit is ramping up the air pressure when my breathing drops, and sometimes I start breathing normally again and it ramps back down after a suitable time, and sometimes it wakes me up, maybe due to the sleep stage I am in at the time, or something else, and when it wakes me up, I should just restart it, which is what I am doing. I guess this is sort of reassuring and really annoying at the same time. When I asked him if this was considered a long term solution (meaning using the CPAP) or a short term training my body to react properly, he said it all depended on me. Some people successfully get their bodies and muscles working properly, others use it indefinitely. Now if only he had told me how to get my muscles working so that I wouldn’t need it. I don’t wanna be saddled with this thing forever.
Sharon and I went to the tile store today while Skyler was in school to look for something to place on our hearth. Got a few samples and think we have decided on the one we like. The good news is, it’s cheap tile, $1.99 per sq. ft., the bad news is, none of the measurements quite line up to make this an easy project. And of course, as I discuss this with her, I wonder if it would have been better not to get into the details, but just the jist of it. Now she wants to make sure things are symmetrical, and they really aren’t, and there isn’t much I can do about some of it. We are going to have to come up with some good tile cuts, (which the shop will do for $1 per straight cut), but we are also going to need to come up with a border or threshold or trim piece or something because the level isn’t right and can’t be right if we want this to work. If that makes sense. Isn’t remodeling fun? Houses have so many quirks and angles that just aren’t right that when you are working with a perfectionist, you better hope they know how to do it or are willing to hire someone who does. But in this case, I think I’ll be doing it, along with the other projects piling up to fill up my time. The projects I want to be working on, are not the ones getting the priority treatment right now, course they are also the ones that will cost the most amount of money, time and disruption.
And I hate paying for haircuts, nobody does a good job with my hair, it’s curly, coarse, has cowlicks galore, and my head is not symmetrical, (I don’t think my hairline is either). And I think I need one. But Sharon said she liked it the last couple of days, and the last haircut she sent me to cost $75. Granted it was a good cut, but I didn’t feel it lasted good long enough, and also granted it was pretty short without much to work with at the time. But 75 bucks is a lot of money for a straight up haircut for a guy with short hair. So I don’t know what I’ll do, maybe go to some one good but just cut it so it looks good now and as it keeps growing, see if I can go long like I did when Skyler was born for 3 years. God I hope not…oh well, took my pills gonna go hook myself up to the contraption now. You know I have a whole paranoid agenda about me voluntarily hooking myself up to a machine like this every night before I go to bed. Maybe I am nuts.

more rembling sleep stuff

The machine appears to be malfunctioning. It’s supposed to be keeping me breathing at night and allowing me to remain asleep. The way it keeps me breathing is by sensing the drop in air pressure when my breathing slows enough to either wake me up or become dangerous and then increasing the forced air pressure into my face mask thereby keeping my air passages open and keeping me breathing, which in turn keeps me sleeping. It seems to be working fine as far as that goes, but then the air pressure isn’t ramping back down which is causing discomfort and waking me up, and it still doesn’t ramp down, and I end up shutting it off and then turning it back on to have the normal air pressure again. I think it is doing this one or two times per night for the last several nights, and I’ve only been using it for the last several nights. A call to the sleep center today got me a promise of a call back from the technician tomorrow morning, and a “hope you can deal with it tonight too”…
I’ve always known I had a sleep problem, I never thought it was something that could kill me. But I suppose not breathing could do that to a person. On the plus side, the Lunesta helps me fall back asleep very quickly when the Apnea wakes me up, on the negative side, what if the Lunesta keeps me from waking up when the Apnea kicks in?
Skyler had an ok day today, some really good behavior times and some really crappy behavior times, as Sharon told him at one point, his attitude sucks. But he did really good in gymnastics today except for the warm up session which was kinda crazy and I can understand why he was goofing off there. It was a whole bunch of kids with hula hoops and two coaches sending the hoops rolling and the kids running after them. The kids were supposed to wait in one of a couple lines for their turn, and Skyler just kept running back to the front of the line after his turn. The coaches didn’t call him on it except once, but I did. After class was when his attitude really sucked, he got worked up running around with a little girl named Scarlet and then ran and got a popsicle and was demanding that he get it as his treat, wouldn’t give it up and then broke open the bag when I tried to take it from him. Gotta admit that was clever, said it was open now so he could have it cause we couldn’t put it back. It didn’t work; I didn’t let him have it anyway. But give him credit for trying I suppose.
Rest of the day was pretty uneventful, went to Nataly and Tom and Tyler and Kates for dinner and “the office”, and now everyone is asleep.

Riding the Edge of the Bed

Riding The Edge Of The Bed

Riding the edge
The edge of the bed.

The bed is never
Big enough
It seems,
To share with those you love.

It starts with just you,
And your wife,
And your infant in the co-sleeper
Soon joins, and before you know it,
Your 3 year old has come in as well,
And tosses and turns,
And kicks and squirms.

And once again,
You’re riding the edge,
The edge of the bed.

i'm here

I’m here to mess with your head
I’m all swagger and stories
I’m here to make you feel

I’m here to mess with your head
I’m all quiet and embarrassed
I’m here to make you feel

I’m here to mess with your head
I’m all shy and reserved
I’m here to make you feel

I’m here to mess with your head
I’m all drinking and craziness
I’m here to make you feel

I’m here to mess with your head
I’m all threat of history and promise of future
I’m here to make you feel

I’m here to mess with your head
I’m all helpless and vulnerable
I’m here to make you feel

I’m here to mess with your head
I am something to everyone
I’m here to make you, fall

I’m here…

(no subject)

yep, i hurt my wifes feelings, unintentionally, and i can see why she feels that way.
i posted a poem, even submitted it to an online contest, where it got selected as a semifinalist and will be published (so they say, i can buy the book if i want, for only $45 for one copy, i can also buy a plaque that commemorates my acheivement... hmmm, whole lot to buy here, dont' see much else except maybe my name in a book no-one will see).
anyway, i was drunk when i did it, main thing i was looking for was a poem that met their strict length criteria. i found it, and the rest is history.
i told my wife i submitted it, but expected nothing but a scam. she eventually saw the poem because it got selelcted for whatever. it hurt her feelings. it's not about her, it's not about me regretting anything or anyone, it's simply an homage to all girls i have known, good and bad, inspired by a long gone brief fling accidentally contacting me and stirring up memories of my past and various relationships or shades thereof.

i'm sorry i hurt her feelings. it may not help that she could be ginving birth to our second son any day now, (technically, today was her due date).

original post here

Rate my poem, Go here

thanks, and peace, don't know what i was thinking...